My Mother Was Human
BY NATALIE GOMEZ
To be mothered, so often I need it. I need her.
When my heart breaks, when my soul is crushed.
When I'm having a good day and bad.
When I'm confused about a decision I have to make.
When I want to celebrate. When I have to cry.
I need her.
What if she can't be that shoulder to cry on? What if she doesn't have the words that I need to hear? What if she was never given what I need now?
No one showed her how to comfort me, no one showed her how to carry me, no one showed her how to love me.
I used to judge her so harshly. I needed her and where was she? I now realize, a mother myself - that she was in pain and unable to give me what she didn't have. I now realize that there are days when she was depleted and unavailable and human. Human with her own brokenness and pain that she carried and needed mothering for. My mother was human.
I thank God that my mother is still here to mother me - but in all of those areas where she cannot, I no longer judge her. I allow a perfect being to come in her place and caress my soul with his unfailing love. I allow a perfect being to carry me when no one else can. I allow a perfect being to show me which steps I should take. I allow a perfect being to mother me.